For the last few weeks I have been feeling…overwhelmed. Stressed. Drowning in a strong current of to-dos that keeps pulling me further and further out to sea. I don’t even know what it’s like to go home after a long day of work, put the kids to bed, then just relax for the evening. Nope…my days of work are followed by nights of work…whether it is housework, book-related work, other writing work, or “work” work. And I’m tired. I also carry this constant burden of guilt that I’m not giving enough attention to any one thing. Mostly, I worry that I’m failing at the whole “working mom” thing. Don’t get me wrong – I am not the stay-at-home type and have no illusions that being at home is the right answer for me. But I also don’t want the word “working” to take precedence over “mom” in my primary description.
Now I do have a personal rule that from the time I pick the kids up from school until the time they go to bed, I don’t do any work at all. In fact, during those few hours I rarely even check email or answer my phone. Sometimes I think that annoys people. But I don’t care…that is my precious designated time with my family and I do make a conscious effort to treasure it.
This past Monday, however, I wasn’t doing such a good job of treasuring our time together. Monday was Columbus Day…a holiday that U.S. public schools and government offices observe, but most private companies do not. Which meant that both of the kids were out of school and I was working from home as a result. Why not just take the day off? Well, I had work that I needed to get done. And I hate to use my precious vacation days – which we need in order to travel to St. Louis to visit our family several times a year – on something as “silly” as a school holiday. The kids are now old enough to mostly entertain themselves as long as someone is there to supervise. It’s certainly not the best scenario for their mental stimulation – nor for my focus and productivity – but without a Grandma closer than hundreds of miles away, it was the best solution we had. By about 4 o’clock that afternoon, the kids were going crazy with boredom and I was going crazy from all the interruptions. I was annoyed. I was grumbly. I tweeted this:
But as soon as I hit the return button, the guilty realization hit me: “I am a crappy, self-absorbed mom. And I am totally missing the point right now. I am complaining about my kids being at home with me. The two people (besides Kyle) that I love more than anything in the world! I am always wishing that I could see them more. Now I have my chance – and what am I doing with it? Nothing.” Late in the afternoon as it was, I realized that the holiday was a gift…and I didn’t want to leave it unwrapped!
That’s when I shut the laptop. I told the kids to put their shoes on. We got a rake out of the shed. And we walked (skipped, ran) to a nearby park lined with trees shedding their gorgeous autumn foliage. And then we…
Check out the looks on their faces! Those are the faces of kids who are about to chase their mom all over the park in a (successful) attempt to get dried leaves all crumbled into her hair. Don’t worry though…I got retribution, soliciting plenty of screams and giggles in the process. What could be more fun than that?
Source: britely.com via Kate on Pinterest
You know, my work waited to be finished until after the kids went to bed that night…and no one else noticed or cared that it didn’t happen before 5 pm. Honestly, a week from now I won’t even remember what it was I thought it was so important to get done that day. But I will remember that hour and a half in the park with my kids. Those were the moments – the only moments – that truly meant something. I can’t believe I almost missed them.
